All of your clothes have dog hair on them, even when they come back from the laundromat or dry cleaners.
You get birthday cards for each of your dogs from family, friends, and the vet. (Bonus if you keep them on the refrigerator for more than a month.)
Every gift you ever get has something to do with dogs
Kiss your dog more than 10 times per greeting.
All your non-dog friends know to dress down when visiting your house
Books and movies are ruined for you if the dog references are incorrect.
Onlookers grimace at the sight of you sharing your sandwich with your four-legged pal, bite for bite
Call long distance and talk with your dog.
Dog hair in food is just another spice.
If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.
Any conversation you're having is effortlessly directed back to the topic of dogs
90 percent of your Internet connection time goes to the dogs (seeing what's
new when you enter your breed into the browser, reading up on multiple
lists, checking out photos, sounds and faqs, etc.).
of things around the house are in need of repair, but the injured
your charitable donations go to dog-related and humane society
your furniture came to you second hand or via curbside discard, but
social activities revolve around other dog people
3 and a half hours of grooming you let that beautiful creature out
can look at your (pick all that apply) --- T-shirt - sweatshirt -
three of your five weeks vacation are scheduled around grooming,
come to your home and say "Your dogs are barking." And you
strangers call you on the phone to ask questions because they heard
Cut your vacations to 3 day weekends only.
double as chairs and/or tables in your family room
First time visitors wonder aloud: "Do you smell something?" and you really don't
New York this year, let's get out the map and see what else is
your dog to the photographer and ask would you like to kiss fido
It takes an entirely separate garbage can to handle the poop
to get a hairdresser's appointment for yourself than it is to
on an email list with other dog people and each
Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.
More than half your grocery money goes to dog food and treats
Most of your social life is with other dog people.
Most of your vacation pictures are of dogs around the world.
how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your
wants to ride in your car because they know they'll get dog hair on
feet are allowed on the furniture, but your dogs are welcome to
1040 form all your charitable donations are to Humane Societies,
Christmas list to 'Santa' you only want crooks, whistles, jumps,
your vet files is labeled "Other"
Order 5x7 photos of the kids and order 16 x20 of SPOT.
guests (who share your bed) are offended by having to sleep with
Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other.
solidity of dog excrement is a suitable topic for discussion in
go to "the dog fund" or a spending spree through the supply
The cost of boarding your furkids equals that of your entire vacation
kibble is stored in 45 gallon garbage cans, and the water is kept
eye doctor is located in town, but the dog's ophthalmologist is
The first question you ask when on a date is: "So, do you like animals?"
of your dogs will receive a larger amount of insurance policy
The highlight of your day is spending time with your dog.
to the dog kennel are longer than the instructions to the
display of collectibles in the house is dog stuff -- plates,
The majority of your charitable contributions go to animal organizations
exciting times on vacations, no matter where in the world you go,
one priority when buying a new house is the size and landscape of
The only (or at least first) forum you log onto is the animal forum
thing your friends, colleagues, and passing acquaintances say to
The only time you use your camper is for dog shows.
The part of the backyard you finish first is the dog run.
The part of your will dealing with your dogs is longer than any other part.
of any liquid hitting the floor two rooms away at 3 a.m. Is enough
of changing a baby's diaper makes you swoon, but you can pick up
"poundage" of canines outweighs the total poundage of humans
basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink,
of all your important legal and personal documents escapes
"bitch" becomes non-derogatory and flows naturally in most
a precious $.75 show ribbon, you think nothing to forking out
and licensing records for all your dogs are in perfect order,
When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice.
showing off your family album, your guest asks, "Isn't there
the dog come down with something like flu on the same day. Your dog
your family haven't had your annual check up in two years, but the
the only idiot out walking in the pouring rain, but your dog needs
unbelievably pleased to receive a dog item (any dog item) as a
vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dog is afraid
paranoid about keeping ID on your dog at all times (collar, tags,
You become the family dog kennel for all your relatives
You believe every dog is a lap dog.
it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the
You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.
You break down and buy another pillow so you can have one to sleep on
a $20.00 stuffed toy and within an hour you find toy stuffing all
You buy a bigger bed that will comfortably sleep six
You buy a mini-van to give them all enough travel room
premium quality dog kibble for your dog, but live on take-out,
vitamin supplements for your dog and administer them daily (wrapped
You can only remember people by associating them with their dog
fully enjoy yourself without your dog.
remember family birthdays and anniversaries, but you can rattle
see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are
You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.
pictures of your dog in your wallet instead of pictures of your
plastic "pick-up" bags and an extra kennel lead in your purse,
dog events (new dog, dog birthday, finished championships,
You change jobs so you can spend more time with the dogs.
cluck, whistle, make kissy noises, and give "stay" and "heel"
dog crates to be an inspired form of interior decorating.
to downsize from a huge house in the city to an average country
You describe your children as having temperaments rather than personalities
go to happy hours with co-workers any more because you need to go
mind it when you find dog hair in the sink, tub, embedded in the
think it's the least bit strange to stand in the back yard
think twice about sitting on the floor because both the couch and
think twice about trading licks of an ice cream cone with your
work late or socialize after work because you have to get home to
an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use it to
so frustrated about the lack of cable TV in your area that you get a
to pet supply stores on weekends because it's one of the few places
You hang around the dog section of your local bookstore.
You hate posing for pictures unless you're with your dog.
to go to the grocery store for people food, but when the dog treats
*two* dog doors between the house and the fenced yard, so the
32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but the dog
a bad day and decide that your dog is the best "person" to
a case of Summer's Eve disposable douche in the house for emergency
You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids.
a plastic kiddie wading pool in the back yard, but no kids. (Double
extra dog collars and leashes on the walls, grooming tools on the
hundreds of pictures of your dogs on your desk at work, in your
kiddie gates permanently installed at strategic locations in the
nose prints on all glass surfaces--windows,
little songs that you sing to your dog, and she always wags when
memorized the addresses of your breed association, local clubs, and
more dog beds, chew toys, collars, leashes, harnesses, and dog
no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you
three Home Pages -- all of them dealing with your dogs, your
You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.
You have your dog's picture on your office desk (but no one else's).
the addition of a significant other in your life so you can have
the addition of a significant other in your life so you can have
You justify the purchase of a larger vehicle or house because of the dogs.
You keep 2-liter bottles of water and a water dish in the car at all times.
an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case your dog
You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your pasta.
You keep license tags from dogs that have passed away.
You keep the heartworm medication in the refrigerator in the "deli drawer."
You know more about canine nutrition than human nutrition (and it shows).
people on responsible pet ownership and breed rescue whenever
You let the neighbor's dog sleep over.
You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.
at every poop in your yard before you pick it up making your
You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.
You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your dog.
other people with dogs, and remember their dog's call name after 30
someone when out walking your dogs and you introduce your dogs
completely finish a piece of steak or chicken (so your dog gets a
think about how much money you spend on the dogs (or how much debt
longer have to buy extra large garbage bags, because the empty, 40
You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.
your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-ups pops
a tailor-made dog blanket to keep your aging dog warm, but don't
You pick up other dogs' excrement when you go on walks in your neighborhood.
all vacations around dog activities/events. ("Well, our breed
bow out of an important social engagement so you can attend a
You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.
into your pockets for change, and liver treats, dog kibble, and
a newspaper article by pieces in the front yard and don't think
allow your dogs to give you slobbery kisses, but you don't dare
You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy.
You rip up the carpet and lay tile to make clean up so much easier
out of books to read on your breed/interest and hear about a new
to get home from work in time to get some of what your spouse is
every dog magazine you've ever bought. If a conversation with your
up for months before a specialty show in order to round out your
You send out especially-made holiday cards that feature you and the dogs
a zig-zag path in the back yard snow so your dog can reach all
You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog.
You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.
You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work.
all the furniture in a complementary color to your dog to make
You snuggle closer to the dog than the person with whom you are sleeping
a fortune to visit another country, and spend all your time
You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself.
more time and effort grooming your dog than yourself. (And it
more time looking through mail order catalogs for dog supplies
more time on the computer dealing with "dog stuff" than "other
your dog magazine subscriptions to make sure you'll receive one
You start barking at your children to "Sit! Stay!"
You take a sick day from work to take care of your dog.
You take bereavement leave when you dog dies.
You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid.
You talk to your dog when you are driving. He answers.
about saving all the fur from your dog's spring shed to have it
You use kennel disinfectant in the house.
your down payment for a new van to have cataract surgery on your old
in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and your feet hit
simply awful movies because your breed is either featured in a
stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to the
buy anything with your breed on it--even the mug with the Malamute on
Your "Welcome" sign has a dog on it.
doesn't have to coordinate with the bedroom, as it's always
Your carpeting matches the color of your dog-purposely
(wife, husband, etc.) Complain that you always take more
laundry is dog blankets, sheets, and beds. (Bonus: Your dog was
Your cookie jar has never seen the likes of people cookies
Your desk proudly displays your canine family
brings a dead bird/squirrel into the kitchen and generously gives
Your dog decides he doesn't like someone and you tend to agree
does something wonderfully cute, and you call your friends to tell
eats cat poop, but you still let her kiss you (but not immediately
gets a deep cut on the pad of his foot and gets emergency medical
Your dog gets his coat stripped/trimmed more often than you get a hair cut.
gets his teeth brushed daily, scaled weekly, and dental cleaning at
gets regular checkups every 6 months, but you've lived in the state
gets sick and you sleep next to him in a sleeping bag in the
has the best birthday party over and above any kid in the entire
is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a
Your dog is the star of your World Wide Web site!
Your dog sleeps with you.
Your dog taught you to fetch and roll over
eat only the most nutritionally sound food, while your favorite
Your dogs have a larger wardrobe of holiday-related bandanas than you do.
have their own Christmas card and gift list -- and they receive
have their own Christmas tree -- and it's so full of ornaments
Your e-mail address is your kennel name.
has resigned themselves to the fact that you're bringing your
Your favorite month is April - National Dog Appreciation Month!
Your file is the only one that remains in the "IN" box at the vet's office
Your file rivals War And Peace
concern when planning a vacation is whether or not the hotel will
Your freezer contains more dog bones than anything else.
Your friend's dog acts as Best Dog at your wedding.
invite you to a fun night out at the dinner theater and you say
Your friends know which chair not to sit in
plate, license-plate frame, or bumper sticker mentions your dog
are available at the drug store down the block, but your
Your mom calls and asks how the granddogs are
Your mood today depends on how yesterday's training session went.
Your Mother's Day (birthday, anniversary, etc.) Present is a puppy.
give up on grandchildren and start to refer to your dogs as
refer to your pet as their granddog, remember her birthday, and
calendar has notations in it for heartworm medication, vaccine
library is heavy on dog books -- and so is the library for
Your photo Christmas cards feature your dogs (humans optional).
issues the ultimatum: "It's them or me!" and you have no problem
Your trunk has an emergency food kit for any strays you might come across
Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.
takes a few extra courses just to keep up with your breed's
back-up vet, emergency vet clinic, and obedience instructor are
office number is the first one on your speed dial list, his home
activities are planned around taking your dog for a hike (both
more concerned with the dogs' needs than your own when the budget
You're more familiar with dog laws than you are with people laws
willing to drive an hour in a snowstorm to make it to obedience
You're willing to pet sit, but not baby sit for friends.
conducted a taste test for dog kibble by buying multiple brands of
You've considered moving into the kennel since it's cleaner than your house.
had long meaningful discussions with your friends on the best way to
You've just spent $60 on groceries and realize none of it is for yourself.
memorized the vet's phone number. (Bonus points if you have his home
memorized you dog's pedigree at least 5 generations back (including
You've traced your dog's family tree further than you have your own